Honor: 183 [ Give / Take ]
5 entries this month
PRIVATE ENTRY
13:23 Feb 14 2022
Times Read: 414
• • • • PRIVATE JOURNAL ENTRY • • • •
Thankful & Blessed
16:39 Feb 12 2022
Times Read: 434
Blessed is a word that you hear so often living in the south, that it can start to lose its meaning. You will hear people say blessed and it means all sorts of things here in Alabama. From being used as a way to express pity ("bless his heart") to an answer to a greeting ("How are you today?" "Blessed."), bless and its other word forms have become platitudinous; that is unless you go back to the real meaning of what it means to be blessed. My favorite definition of blessed is to be divinely or supremely favored and it is not a word that I use lackadaisically.
Today, I am thankful and blessed that God gave me the mother that He gave me. There are no words that would adequately express what my mother means to be, but I will do my best. She is my best friend, my support system when everyone else has fallen away, my balancer, my sounding board, my loving and constructive criticism offerer, my teacher, my mentor, and my spiritual counsel. She offers unconditional love where others place ultimatums. She truly only wants the best for me, when others would derive joy in seeing me falter. She sees me for who I truly am on the inside. She loves me in spite of myself.
I am grateful for my mother every day but chose her for a special call-out today because we had a scare last night. True health scares have a funny way of putting everything into perspective with haste. Last night, we thought that my mother, who just turned 74, was having a stroke. She could not walk, was disoriented, had slurred speech, and had a terrible headache. I quickly bundled her up and took her to the hospital. It is literally walking distance from my house, so I can get there faster than waiting for an ambulance. They rushed her back when we arrived at the Emergency Room. Unfortunately, due to COVID and COVID precautions, I was not allowed to go with her which is the first time that either one of us has had a health scare that we have not been together. Anxiously, I waited in the car for the doctor's call. He promptly called within 15 minutes and explained that she was not having a stroke, instead, she was having a migraine; a very bad migraine. I have had migraines that bad before, but my mom has never suffered from migraines, so I failed to recognize it in her. I still would have taken her to the hospital even if I knew it was a migraine because migraines like that necessitate medical intervention beyond what I have at home. I broke down in tears, tears of relief, and tears of joy that she was ok. I realized at that moment that I do not thank God for my mom often enough. I also do not tell my mom how important she is in my life often enough. And, actually, that is the reason behind this gratitude adventure. I want the important people in my life to know how grateful I am for them. I don't want time to pass and for me to wish that I had told them; no regrets.
Gratitude, not platitudes
12:42 Feb 11 2022
Times Read: 466
Today's gratitude adventure entry is something that I am extremely grateful for, but sincerely hope I never have to be grateful for again. Today, I am grateful for my fantastic, top-notch dermatologist who recognized a growing melanoma on my upper chest area in a very early stage yesterday. She was able to remove the small growth easily and with almost no pain to me. As an aside, I am also grateful for the local anesthetic that numbed me so that I was able to have the tumor excised with no discomfort. Unfortunately, the melanoma was a little deeper than she'd expected so she had to excise a little more tissue in hopes of getting clean margins so that we can avoid an additional procedure. Now we wait. Wait on the biopsy results which will tell us definitively that the growth was melanoma and that the margins are clean. As mentioned above, there is a possibility of a second procedure if any cancerous cells remain.
I can say that I am not that surprised to have had an incidence of skin cancer. Going to college in Florida meant many hours spent by the pool with friends (and beer) and, unfortunately, many sunburns. My upper chest was always susceptible to being burned. I am thankful that this was caught early and removed.
Attutude of Gratitude13:07 Feb 10 2022
Times Read: 499
Today's gratitude adventure entry breaks my own rules, but hell, what are rules for if not breaking? If you read yesterday's entry, you know that I said that I was going to find something to be grateful for each day that I have never expressed gratitude for before. What I am grateful for today, I have been grateful for every day since he came into my life on January 28, 2005 - my wonderful, sweet, smart, beautiful chocolate spotted Ocicat, Kopi. Yes, he is why the representation for my Coven is the Ocicat or the "lame tabby," as a disgruntled Coven member called him. For those of you who do not know, the Ocicat is not a "lame tabby" at all; it is a designer breed created by a lady in Michigan named Virginia Daly. In 1964, she had the idea to create an Abyssinian pointed Siamese. After a few attempts to create this "new" breed, a wonderful kitten with an ivory background and golden spots was born; he was named "Tonga." Tonga, Daly's young daughter, thoughtfully remarked that Tonga looked like an Ocelot, and so Tonga became the first Ocicat. However, Tonga was not what Daly was looking for, so he was neutered and sent to a pet home. A Michigan geneticist became intrigued with this Ocelot-looking purely domestic cat. He was hoping to see a domestic cat that could resemble some of the vanishing wild cats, specifically the Egyptian spotted fishing cat. He contacted Daly and the breeding that created Tonga was repeated; more of these glorious spotted kittens were born. Later, the American Shorthair was added to the genetic mix to produce a heavier, more substantial cat and to introduce the silver color gene. The Ocicat was recognized for registration by the Cat Fanciers' Association in 1966. The breed also received championship status in August 1986 from the International Cat Association.
I fell in love with the breed as a young child when my parents bought me a subscription to Cat Fancy magazine. I declared to my parents that one day I would own an Ocicat. What I did not know was that my mom and I would go on to breed these beautiful creatures. Together, and by working with my friend Neil in Vancouver, we produced 10 National Winners, more than 50 Regional Winners, and (too many to count) Champions, Grand Champions, Premiers, Grand Premiers, and cats of Distinguished Merit. Even though we stopped breeding in 2007, our lines are in the family trees of many cats and kittens being exhibited today. But I digress.
Kopi was born as a part of one of our last litters. I knew he was extraordinary the day he was born. He was stunning and had deep chocolate spots on a gorgeous light tan, clear-as-day background. He also curled himself into a tiny 5.2-ounce ball and went to sleep in my hand. Knowing this was one of the last litters we would breed, I spent a lot of time with the 7 kittens in the litter. Kopi purred for the first time when he was just 4 days old. As he grew, he just became more beautiful and affectionate. We began to bond.
When Kopi became old enough to show, I entered him in a show in Georgia and took him and his littermates to see what the judges thought. They were enamored with the litter and Kopi was best-kitten-in-show with his brother Yirgacheffe finishing a few points behind him. His 2 other brothers, Jakada and Maxwell, and his sister Keoki also finished in the top 12 kittens in the show. Over 200 kittens of all breeds were entered in that show for a point of reference. Kopi's whirlwind 4-month show career started that day, and during that time, we traveled as far north as New Hampshire and as far west as Portland and San Jose. Kopi was CFA's 4th best kitten that year. He loved to show and travel so much that I decided to keep showing him as an adult for the rest of the show season after transferring out of the kitten class. He was a single show Grand Champion and, during the remaining 4 months of the show season, managed to acquire enough points to be CFA Southern Region's 11th best cat in championship.
Kopi and I have been through a lot together. He once escaped his travel carrier in the passenger portion of an airplane. Since he was under the seat in front of me, I had no idea he had managed to unzip his carrier. It was not until the flight attendant announced to the cabin that if someone was missing a purring, adorable kitten, he was in the back of the plane with her. Frantically, I scurried down the aisle to find a very chill Kopi sitting on a very enamored flight attendant's lap.
Kopi was stolen from a show hall in New Hampshire, and although it took days, I retrieved my kitten. I, fortunately, had a good idea who had taken him as there was a young couple who kept coming over to see him. The young woman had told her boyfriend/husband/partner, "that is the cat I want." Stupidly, I thought they wanted a cat LIKE Kopi, not Kopi. I was able to give their description to the police, and after a few interviews with the local news, Kopi was returned to my hotel. Thankfully I was in a relatively small town in New Hampshire, and getting the word out to local shelters and veterinarians helped him be identified and returned.
Kopi has been with me and at my side during breast cancer and debilitating endometriosis. He has been my constant companion. Last night I had a dream he had passed away, which precipitated my being incredibly grateful today for Kopi; for the life he has lived, the joy he has brought, and hopefully several more years he is here.
~Gratitude~
10:47 Feb 09 2022
Times Read: 543
I think we spend too much time focusing on the negative, what is wrong with our lives, and what is wrong with the world, concentrating on what is broken. I find this especially true in these unprecedented-in-modern times where isolation is favored and even recommended by many. Yes, my life is far from perfect and I agree that there is a lot of negativity in the world. There are many things that I wish I could change, fix, but my magic wand is all out of juice and the instructions do not discuss refueling the damned thing. Someone (lots of someones) who is much wiser than me has frequently said that the most powerful change is acceptance, acceptance of yourself, and acceptance of circumstances. Acceptance allows us to stop comparing what we imagined life to be like at various stages to what reality is. Acceptance does not equal settling because no one should settle. It simply allows space, space to breathe, relax, and live mindfully.
I have decided I am going on a gratitude adventure. It is an adventure because I am finding something different for which to voice gratitude than anything I have expressed gratitude regarding before. I will do my best to post some of that here (not that you care) as this is a (relatively) permanent place where I can record my thoughts. The rest of the time, I will use a wonderful leather-bound journal that I recently received as a gift (I am grateful for the journal, but that is not my thing for the day...lol).
Today I am grateful for Cat (yep, the famous Cat of VR) and David a/k/a Drayton. Cat and I have not always seen eye-to-eye, and I am confident that we will have disagreements in the future. However, I have watched Cat grow over the years that I have been a member of this website. No matter my circumstances or whether we have talked in months, Cat is someone that I can reach out to who will be there. She has never betrayed my confidence and I have never betrayed hers despite us discussing some personal and heavy topics. So, Cat, know that I am grateful to you just as you are and I am grateful for our friendship. I also know you hate mushy, so I am stopping here.
David~ What can I say about David? I am grateful for your friendship, loyalty, level-headedness, bizarreness, and that you are an open book to me. I love that I can share anything with you and know that you will not judge me. You give me the freedom to just be me. I appreciate that you do not give me ultimatums or expect things that I cannot provide because of current circumstances. I am grateful that you make me laugh with your dispensary stories, stories about your quirky but sweet mother, and your work regales. I especially adore the grievance tales. I do not know that I have ever known someone as loyal as you.
In closing, Cat, David, thank you. My life would be a whole heck of a lot more stressful and way less interesting without you both.
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